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The Fall Feast

So for the last week I have been literally chewing on what would be fun to work on as an event of sorts.  What I am talking about is something, maybe an event, that can be put together that people might not have done before.  Over the months that I have been writing, people have talked to me about BBQ cook-offs and maybe even an Iron Chef competition.  I like the idea of  a BBQ cook-off, believe me that I do but I am looking for something a little different than that. Maybe next year we’ll have a throw down early in the grilling season for everyone to show off their BBQ talents. If you’re interested, let me know so that we can start putting our heads together on how to get it done.

An Iron Chef competition is always a winner.  I am a firm believer that competition always brings out the best efforts in people.  For those of you who know me personally, this should come as no surprise.  To toss out a little brag schwag, I was the reigning champion at my former office Iron Chef competitions for four years running.  We all know that in the fifth year as well there was groundswell for the underdog to win.  So be it.  Four years is pretty good.  I won a pig in a chef outfit holding a chalkboard that had #1 written on it.  A pig in a chef’s outfit- who knew that such a thing even existed.  Maybe that is when The Chub was born. Again, who knows.  Needless to say, Iron Chef is a great concept but The Chub has been there and done that, so to speak.

So I’ve been thinking and thinking- what can be done.  Then the idea came to me for a Fall Feast.  Even the name conjures up rustic images of dirty mid-evil men with greasy faces eating a whole turkey leg with one hand and a mound of roast pork in the other.  Throw in a huge table with platters and bowls overflowing with different culinary creations… and there has to be alcohol, lots of alcohol at the table, most likely wine.  Well, we will step it back a little and say that this was the original idea.  I love the concept of a table full of people, most of whom don’t know one another, but are having a great time eating and drinking.  I’m not sure about the turkey leg and roast pork, but they are always a possibility.  When was the last time you were at a table that could fit 25 people?  That’s what I’m talking about- one huge long table overflowing with food, crowded with laughter and chock full of anticipation for what the next course will be.  I think that this sounds like an incredible event- don’t you?

I have been going back-and-forth on what a possible menu might look like.  Should it be rustic like what I was describing?  Maybe we dig a pit and roast a whole pig or something.  That would be pretty cool.  Or we could roast a pig in the pit, a turkey in the deep fryer and have lamb legs slow cooked on a spit.  At least the proteins would be covered.  Sides would include browned new potatoes with garlic and chives, roasted root vegetables and southern cooked greens.  We would start with a fresh artichoke dip made with homemade mayo and my simple sausage appetizer with effin delicious mustard sauce. We would finish with a bounty of desserts that would include blueberry cobbler, a caramel apple pie with an oatmeal brown sugar crust and homemade vanilla ice cream. For a meal like this, there would be an offering of crisp German or Czech beer and big, full bodied wines.  The food would be served family style on platters that would make inopportune stops around the table. I could see it happening and the picture looks great to me.

But then I move away from that idea to a more refined concept.  A sit down meal with white linens and a table full of glasses that have a delicate French red poured into each.  In my minds eye it looks like a table straight out of a William-Sonoma catalog.  While people were waiting, they would nosh on a charcuterie platter with prosciutto, many kinds of saucisson, fresh baked bread, foie gras, cornichon and dijon. When service started, the courses would all be paired with wine and would start with a playful amuse bouche to set the stage for the coming meal.  It would be seven courses in total.  I can envision opening with a warmed duck confit terrine made with roasted root vegetables served on a bed of lemon touched arugula.   Next, we would work in some moules à la Normande with a delicious broth to dunk bread into.  I would follow that with a wild mushroom risotto to fit the season.  For the main course we would devour beef short rib bourguignon with fingerling potatoes and roasted brussel sprouts. The main meal would be followed with a frisée salad with lardon and poached egg. For dessert, we would enjoy a selection of cheeses with quince jelly and grapes. However it goes, it just sounds incredible.

Wow, I just lost myself in that menu for a while. What a great place to get lost though. I would dive into that menu just about any day of the week. Well, I guess I would dive into either menu any day of the week. If you were going to put on a Fall Feast, how would you do it? I know that there are some great ideas out there. Dish up the details. If you’re in Cleveland and interested in enjoying the Fall Feast, if it happens, let me know. If you have been thinking of another event that sounds like fun, toss that on the table as well. I guess this is the whole point, to get people together to make new friends, try new food and leave feeling satisfied. Sounds like a good place to be.

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Food photography

Well, it’s just about time to start getting the photography on this site worked out.  I have been plagued by issues recently that have prevented me from getting the shots that I want.  After a week of research, it looks as though all the areas have been identified that need to be worked on.  Hopefully over the nest two weeks there will be a dramatic difference in the pictures that are displayed on this site.  I can’t quite describe how frustrating it is when a dish turns out perfect but the pictures are so lackluster.  In some the lighting is wrong, in others the stage wasn’t set appropriately and the most frustrating is when the angles are all out of whack.  I figure that since I am taking the time to post up what’s happening that it is time to show the steps and exactly what the finished product should actually look like.

One of my biggest issues is working with lenses that are just not made for the job.  When I bought my Nikon D70s about six years ago, it came with two lenses in the package deal as well as a carrying case.  I immediately dumped the case because it was cheap and not constructed well.   I should have known that the Promaster lenses were along the same lines.  Cheap and not constructed well.  Neither lense has appropriate macro capability, so I rigged the 100-300 telephoto lense with magnifying filters to avoid plunking down some hard earned cash for the appropriate lenses.   This method works, but doesn’t produce great pictures and the good pictures that happen really come about through a lot of hard work.  It is terrible in low light situations and the magnifying filters are incredibly difficult to use.  It’s time to look into some higher quality glass.

Lenses are not the only issue.  Appropriate use of natural lighting has been casting a shadow on the shots, literally.  We have excellent natural light at our house, but it is sometimes overpowering and creates these huge, distracting shadows.  I have tried to diffuse the flash on the camera and then tried to bounce the flash off the ceiling to counteract.  Neither method worked well.  I never thought about using a reflector, but will start doing so now.  I just have to go and make one, which should be done by the weekend.

I suppose that since natural light is an issue, artificial light is also an issue.  At one point, I was using some nice light boxes for my pictures, but they are no longer available.  The price for these items online is not what I am looking to spend, so I have been doing without.  Unfortunately the lights in our house are all bright white.  They cast a shimmering light on the food that is really obnoxious.  I have tried dimming the lights, but the light turns more yellow and the food takes on a jaundice look.  Not quite the look we are going for- right?  I learned on another blog Food Bloggers Unite how to make a setup that can be used in low or night light settings.  This site is a great blog that will be in my blogroll after today as well.

Yet another area needing work is staging and props.  Some pictures look appropriately staged, like people are about to eat there or have just eaten there.  My guess would be that those shots were taken when we were about to eat or had just eaten- not by design otherwise.  The problem we have in our house is that most meals are just eaten in a utilitarian style.  We don’t put out placemats or cloth napkins.  Most times our table is a mess from Jackson doing all those things that baby boys do at mealtime.  Paper napkins and a fork are usually about as far as we go when it is just the two of us.  Seems as though to get the shots that I want, it will take a little more get up and go.  It can be done, just needs a little thought.

The last part I need to workout are backgrounds for some of the shots.  It’s fine to have the background blurred out for most, but there are some dishes that can be made to pop right off the page with the right background.  It’s time to visit the craft store and get moving on some of this stuff- that’s for sure.

If everything works out, I think that I will start posting to Flickr and some other sites.  Who knows where it will lead to, but I know one thing is for sure, I’m having a good time doing it now and am looking forward to improving.

Let’s see what happens in the next couple weeks, but I am expecting that the pictures you have seen will really start to improve.

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The Chubby Cook

Pure Food: The Big Picture

Sometimes I think that it is a good idea to take a breath and assess the situation.  When you take a big picture view of life, the stuff that we get hung up on seems so trivial by comparison, right?  Late last night (and I mean late) I had a come to Jesus moment.  Some people would prefer to call this meeting the Dutch Uncle meeting (not sure why- sounds a little perverse to me) or the more common concept of the reality check.  Recently Caroline and I have not been feeling too hot with persistent intestinal issues.  I’m not going to go into detail, but I will say that the tests are not fun and waiting for results which are constantly “inconclusive” is frustrating at best and leads to a defeatist attitude at worst.

I’ve never been known for a defeatist attitude.  Attitude, yes.  But defeatist attitude, no.  My entire life has been driven by the inner confidence that I am doing the best I can and if it doesn’t meet my expectations, I change course and try again.  I have never strayed from this concept and have done alright for myself and my family.  But, for some reason recently, I haven’t been following my mantra and just can’t quite figure out why.  At first, I thought it was due to leaving a job after 12 years which is difficult and brings a lot of stress onto the body.  Then I looked at having a relatively new child in the house that adds stresses of its own.  But it’s neither of these excuses or the hundreds of others I walked through during the long hours of the night.  I have come to the conclusion that I wanted to see if I could simply just “be” for a while.  Let the world wash over me rather than constantly trying to push back the walls from my own little space.  This doesn’t work for me, so let’s get into the meat as to why.  Now, I am not going to use this post as a therapy session- that would take way more than one post and I have no desire to let it all hang out, if you know what I mean.  You haven’t even bought me dinner yet.  Jeez.

For the last five or six weeks, I have been writing a food blog (thank you all for reading- it means a lot to me.)  It’s a forum that I really enjoy and I hope that some people out there are enjoying it as well.  Although there isn’t a whole ton of feedback, I think that the recipes being made here taste pretty good and might expand some horizons.  There is a lot of thought that goes into breaking the recipe down so that just about anybody can make it with just a little bit of effort.  Most of the posts are probably too long and have too much commentary in them, but that is what it is.  My style.  Like it or hate it, this is what I have chosen to have hang out here.  This blog brings together a lot of passions in my life: cooking, drinking, sharing, writing, technology and communicating with people.  You can now find me on Facebook by typing The Chubby Cook into the search area.  Shoot it to anybody you think would like what is going on here.  See that, communication- I would love your help in getting the word out.

So what does any of this have to do with a reality check?  I’m getting to it.  Axl Rose said it best, “Gotta have a little patience.”  I am listening to Guns N’ Roses right now in case you were wondering where that reference came from.  Too bad Axl had to be such a douche and screw up one of the best bands of all time.  Anyhow, I have been cooking and eating the stuff in these posts on an almost a daily basis since the end of May.  This stuff tastes good, but I don’t think that we can eat it every day.  There has to be some balance to the equation.  Recently the balance has been upset which is most noted by the scale tipping in the wrong direction.  I am still going to be The Chubby Cook, but want to make sure that there is a healthy element which goes along with the name.  Perhaps a good equation would be to eat as much healthy food throughout the day as possible and a couple times during the week throw down on something really decadent.

Like I said, late last night (about 3:50AM) I started to turn the corner.  There are things that we can do to make ourselves feel better.  There is no need to be at the mercy of a healthcare system that to date has not been able to tell us anything other than every test comes back perfectly fine.  I don’t blame our physician or the system, they are doing what they can and providing peace of mind by ruling out some pretty serious things.  But what have WE done to help ourselves?  I’ve been sitting in the basement, eating plain pasta, drinking water and feeling generally sorry for myself since Wednesday last week.  I think I have been out of the house three or four times since then, mostly to go to the doctor.  Caroline is feeling cabin fever in the middle of the summer.

What happened to the people who were feeling great a year ago?  Eight months ago I was juicing every day and eating sixty to seventy five percent raw foods each day.  My energy level was through the roof.  I was hitting the elliptical on a running pace for an hour each morning and was riding at least ten miles a day on my bike.  Now, walking for twenty minutes is strenuous activity and one which I try to avoid at all costs.  What happened is that I took that high-energy feeling for granted.  I had it for several months and thought that it would be fine to stray away from what I had been doing for a while.  Once you feel great, that feeling should stay no matter what you do- right?  Wrong.  Once chicken wings and fair fries (love them at Blossom Time in the spring) come back into the fold, it is hard to chase them off again.  They are the wolf in sheep’s clothing, for lack of a better analogy.  Akin to a Trojan horse?  You choose which one you like and go with it.  There is a draw to these processed foods that is really hard to break once you start eating them again.  I’m not suggesting never eating them, but like I said, I think that there needs to be a healthy balance.  Wings today then light dinner and breakfast to clear out the system.  Doesn’t sound terrible, right?

Back to last night.  I was laying on the couch in the basement (watching TV, eating Tostitos and trying not to disturb the family), thinking about all this.  I was thinking that I know better than what I have been doing.  Foods that are highly processed are ridiculously hard for the digestive tract to handle.  We went through a time where if we didn’t understand even one ingredient on a label (Riboflaven for example) we wouldn’t buy it.  We actually lived without riboflaven and other food additives and preservatives!  We felt great for about eight or nine months.  It was hard because so many foods have such a huge amount of crap in them, but overall we felt so good that the minimal effort to find the right stuff to eat was a small price to pay.  I have read dozens of books on nutrition, eating raw, healthy lifestyles and for some reason have just been ignoring everything.  Well, I thought, it is time to incorporate some of these principals into my daily cooking.  It’s time for the Healthy Chubby Cook.  Anybody have a cape?  I think I just created my own superhero.

As my superhero was flying around in my own mind, the thought came to me that I should open a store locally called Pure Food which offers only organic, preferably locally produced foods and products.  I quickly shelved the superhero to think more about this idea.  Stay with me on this one.

In my minds eye I could see the simple signage on the building with lots of windows and a bright interior.  When you walked in you were greeted with the sight of overflowing baskets of produce.  There is a huge olive bar with twenty different types of olives and large trays of homemade hummus, baba, bean spreads and salsas all in different flavors.  I see shelves of products that are not only good for you but taste good too.  A giant butchers case would display locally raised proteins and sustainable seafood.  Cold cases would have fresh organic eggs, locally produced organic pickles and prepackaged organic sides and dips.  There might even be some meals ready to take home there.  For some reason, to me the shop smelled like freshly clipped wheat grass.

In another room of the store there was a coffee, juice and smoothie bar.  I could see a commercial style juicer and a bank of VitaMix blenders creating some delicious and nutritious smoothies.  In the corner sat a frozen yogurt bar (the fro-yo would be self serve, of course) with five flavors always ready to be sampled.  On one side there is a small open kitchen with a range, flat top and clay oven.  I could see people sitting in there at breakfast eating some buckwheat pancakes and at lunch chowing down on the Sammy Big Stack with juicy organic turkey on locally produced bread.  In the hot summer afternoon there were families enjoying some frozen yogurt with whatever topping your heart desires. Maybe this is a pipe dream, maybe not.  I made a quick mock-up of what the sign would look like outside:

A while back a good friend and I were looking at hydroponic equipment to start growing produce for ourselves. The idea of fresh, organic heirloom tomatoes in the dead of winter was so appealing to both of us that we just had to give it a try. Unfortunately, there is one heck of a lot more to growing things hydroponically than just sticking some seeds in a tray, adding nutrients and letting them grow. By the time we came close to figuring it out, summer was upon us and it was simply easier to grow stuff outside. We toyed with the idea of growing microgreens, basil, gourmet lettuce, kale and other leafy produce greens. It is entirely conceivable to have fresh crops year round even in a climate like Cleveland. Tomatoes are a little bit harder, but it could be done with some experimenting. The idea of microgreens is still incredibly appealing to me as these little plants have the most density of nutrients of any green available. Eating them should make you feel like Pop-Eye after eating a can of spinach. These would all be items that would be sold in Pure Food.  Imagine sitting down to a fresh microgreen salad with a homemade champagne vinaigrette that danced on your tongue.  Sounds good, right?  Where can you get this in Cleveland at lunch?  And locally produced?

Now I know that there are stores like Whole Foods and more local grocery stores are bringing in organic produce. Most the stuff in whole foods is grown in California, Mexico or Chile.  Who knows where the meat comes from.  The question is if you would stop at a store that you know carries mostly local, unique and extremely fresh produce vs. the big box store that gets it in from around the world?  Maybe the era of the independent store is gone.  Sad, really.  It would be cool to find someone local who dries and cures meats, bakes delicious crusty breads and has the tastiest morsels around that could be brought home quickly and would satisfy the whole family.  Come to think of it, there would be a huge cheese case in Pure Food as well.  Gotta have a cheese case that is deep with cheeses from around the world.

Maybe there is a unique opportunity between all these ideas. Let’s just say that space could be acquired to open a shop and a small eatery.   And the organic, hydroponic produce could yield enough crop to be sold or at least used in the concept- perhaps at the juicing station or smoothie station. Maybe we toss in a line of The Chubby Cook all organic sauces, sides and pre-packaged foods. I know of a few local people who have the best tasting desserts that could be sold there as well.  During the week I could see holding a cooking class where a small group of people would help to prepare a wonderful, light and organically derived meal. Maybe we could find some local chefs who would be interested in helping out every now and again at a class like this. I have never run a store, or an eatery or produced enough hydroponically grown produce to feed a rabbit for a day. But, I bet there are some good people out there who have done all these things and would be willing to get behind an idea.

In the short-run there is work to be done on a more micro level.  I woke up after far too few hours of sleep and created my game plan.  I dusted off my “raw” cookbooks and made a plan for the week.  I ate some greek yogurt, bought some probiotics, drank a green shake and am feeling better in general.  Tonight we are going to have some veal chops with goat cheese medallions and a fresh spinach salad.  I’ll be posting up about it tomorrow or the next day.  Breakfast will be a Green Lemonade.  I’m going to make a cucumber and watercress soup that should be pretty tasty for lunch.  Tomorrow night we will have grilled mahi-mahi with a peach tomato salsa and a side of tomato carpaccio and arugula .  Sounds pretty good to me.  I think that you’ll like this direction as well.

My new goal for this blog will be to lead by example for my family and in particular my son.  Jack has never really had anything which is not prepared fresh or organic to date.  Some notable exceptions are breads and oyster crackers, which he just loves.  I would like to have him grow up continuing to eat healthily not because he has to, but because he has been shown how it can be done to taste better than the alternative and hopefully lead to a long and healthy life.  I would like that for everyone who takes time out of their busy day to read what I write on this blog.  I think that this is going to be fun.  It is certainly a challenge.

Who knows, maybe sometime down the road you’ll be driving and see a sign that says Pure Food.  It would be great if you decided to stop in and take a look around.  There might be a big chubby guy working behind one of the counters somewhere loving every minute of it.  Or, maybe this sounds like something you would like to be a part of as well.  My view is that there are no limits, just good ideas and a ton of potential waiting to happen.

Let’s see where this thing goes.  I think I need a green shake just thinking about it.

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Favorite Comfort Foods

For the first part of this week, I am taking some time off from cooking. I just have not had the energy to put anything together that is blogworthy. Working through this stupid food poisoning still, but starting to feel much better with the antibiotics.  Something did come up that might be of interest and it has to do with what people eat as a favorite comfort food.  I’ve been thinking a lot about comfort food in the last two weeks but most of what I like I can’t have: either milk based or high in fiber.  Doesn’t work so well for an upset stomach.  But, I have been able to think about it and am interested in what your favorite comfort food is as well.  I bet there are some really good ones out there.

Last week I finished the book The Gastronomy of Marriage: A Memoir of Food and Love by Michelle Maisto. It was a quick read which was interesting but a bit slow at times. Michelle seems to lose her focus at regular intervals throughout the memoir, but that seems like her personality so maybe it is the desired effect.  Who knows. Certainly not a book that would hit the best seller list, but it did well at passing the time for me. In the book there was a section which discussed the favorite comfort foods that people eat when no one else is around or when you have a bad day or are working through a sickness. That is the comfort food that I am talking about here. Not the deconstructed pot roast at the newest fad restaurant claiming that it dishes up comfort food.  This book is what kick started the whole thought process for this post.

For me, there is only one recipe that I go to when I am feeling stressed, down or sick. It is such a simple recipe that it is almost embarrassing to to discuss, but it does a wonderful job of soothing me for some unknown reason. The first time I remember eating this recipe was at my Grammy’s house probably thirty years ago. She would make up a big batch and I could eat all that I wanted. Gram knew how to make it just right, with the perfect amount of seasoning and butter. I’m not sure how grandmothers do it, but they always know how to make everything taste pretty good.  This dish was no exception to that rule.

So, here’s the recipe- it’s really simple and before you give it the stink eye, give it a try.

Cottage Cheese Macaroni

1 box of elbow noodles
1 medium sized container of 2% large curd cottage cheese
3 tbsp unsalted butter
Nature’s Seasoning (a Mortons product found in the spice aisle)
Salt & Fresh Cracked Pepper

Heat a large pot of heavily salted water over high heat until boiling. The water should taste like ocean water. I give the water a 2 Mississippi shot of oil to keep the noodles from sticking and keep the pot from boiling over.  Then you dump the noodles into the water and cook according to the directions.

When the noodles are cooked, strain them in a colander. While the noodles are in the colander, pop the butter into the pan to start melting. Toss the noodles back into the pan when they are drained. Spoon the whole carton of cottage cheese into the noodles and mix lightly. You’ll get some cheese stuck to wooden spoons, so I use a silicone spatula to mix it up. No sense in losing the cheese.

Sprinkle the Nature’s Seasoning until you get a light coating over the top of the entire pot of the noodle mixture. Mix it up. Taste. If it needs salt (which it shouldn’t if you salted the water enough) add some. Crack as much pepper as you would like.

Spoon it into a bowl and chow down.  I chow down so much sometimes that I feel like I am going to pop.  That is why I can only make this dish every now and again.  When I am eating it the whole world just seems to melt away.

Now, Caroline doesn’t have a taste for this dish whatsoever. She thinks that it is really weird and it does not appeal to her senses. I think that its because she just doesn’t like cottage cheese.  In my mind there is no reason that everyone shouldn’t love this dish.  But that’s the thing about true comfort food.  It becomes so personal.  I’ve defended this dish for years when people have expressed their opinions.  Just give it a try, you’ll love it!  Well, I know that isn’t he case for a lot of people.  I am also guilty of judging the comfort foods of other people.   I certainly gave the stink eye when I was growing up to a friend who happened to be Dutch and only ate his french fries if they were dipped in mayo.  After some convincing, I tried it and it is pretty good.  In college I knew a guy who put chocolate sauce on plain spaghetti.  Another guy who ate peanut butter on white bread with mayo and potato chips sandwiched in-between.  Surprisingly enough, that last one is actually not terrible, particularly with kettle chips.

I also like saltines with butter when I have a sore throat and pretzel rods in German mustard when I have had a few too many beers.  If it is late night and I happen to  not be sleeping, a box of Triscuits will disappear in a flash.  I look for the ones with extra salt on them- there are about 7 in a box.  I enjoy a warm bowl of grits after a night of very little sleep, preferably with some cheese in them.  On a day when I have been running in a million directions, a salami sandwich on white bread with mayo, cheddar and yellow mustard tastes like a sweet reprieve.  I am not sure what drives me to these foods, but I know that for a brief moment, everything is ok.  I’m not so anxious about not sleeping with the comforting crunch of the Triscuits and don’t feel so tired the next morning with a warm and soothing bowl of grits.  I think that the pretzels might sober me up a little?  Who knows, but one thing I do know is that we all have these quirky foods that we eat.  Many times we won’t even eat them in front of our spouse.

If you have some stuff comfort food that is your “go to” be sure to post up a comment. 

More recipes coming on Friday.

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Salmonella

The Dirty Bird: Salmonella

Just got my review posted up on TripAdvisor:  Sandals Royal Bahamian Review.  My TripAdvisor username is Headly1976. For those of you who don’t use TripAdvisor, you should definitely check it out.  Often when we are in an area we haven’t visited before, the user reviews from TripAdvisor point us in the right direction for a great meal or to check out a hotel before we leave for a trip. 

It isn’t like me to not check out a place before I go, but I have been a bit lazy recently with my daily neurosis.  For those of you who know me well, you should be laughing now.  For those of you who don’t, go with the flow and understand that neurosis are what typically drive my day.  Recently they have just fallen to the wayside, which is a nice break.  With regard to this trip, however, I should have been a bit more neurotic.  Just goes to show that you should definitely do some research before you book a vacation. 

Here’s the update with regard to the food poisoning: turns out that it was worse than I thought.  The report that I left you all with about a week ago is that I was feeling better.  Relapse is the name of the game though, so I went to the doctor yesterday and it turns out that I have a pretty bad case of salmonella.  If Johnathen the manager at Sandals Royal Bahamian is reading this review, go shit in your hat.  Better yet, give me your hat and I’ll take care of it.  You wing-nut.

So with my new affliction, I have been doing a lot of reading on salmonella yesterday and today as my new prescription for antibiotics are kicking in.  There are hundreds of stories just like mine and I have to tell you that I empathise with each one that I read.  The excruciating abdominal pain along with the other terrible symptoms and an overwhelming sense of lost control for weeks at a time is really an experience that a person can do without in a lifetime. 

There are a couple things that I have learned that I thought should be passed on to you.  First, unless you ingest a fairly large amount of the salmonella laden carrier, your stomach acids will do the trick in killing off the bacteria.  That’s the good news.  The not so good news is that you can get salmonella from more things than just chicken or eggs.  We’ll cover a lot of ground here.

Most people are worried about raw chicken (which is where I got mine from) or undercooked eggs.  Stay worried about these, as they are the most prevalent means of contracting salmonella.  You have to pay particular attention to the juices of uncooked meat.  If you wash your chicken (like you should) prior to using it, be careful not to splash it all over the kitchen.  Don’t grab the faucet with your chicken hand.  Use an elbow or something while you locate the soap.  Yeah, it looks funny but don’t take yourself so seriously.  Always use a cutting board that can be put into the dishwasher, which you should do right when you are done butchering the chicken.  The board should be food-grade plastic so that the bacteria doesn’t work its way into the board itself.  If you have marinated raw meat, don’t use the same tray or bowl to hold the food after it has been cooked.  Toss that bastard in the dishwasher and grab a new plate.  Lastly, keep your fresh ingredients like salad or fruit well away from the area you are prepping the raw poultry.  It’s common sense stuff, but should be hit again once and a while.

You can also get salmonella from the shell of the egg if it hasn’t been cleaned and has been exposed to chicken excrement.  Sounds like a longshot, right?  Well, you should know that the egg exits the hen’s body through the same passageway as feces is excreted.  Didn’t know that one before I read this stuff.  Kinda nasty that the hen literally poops out an egg.  The good news is that most eggs are pasteurized to kill salmonella, but they still must be kept refrigerated.  If you get fresh eggs locally, know that pasteurization equipment for eggs is not readily available.  You should ask the purveyor if they have at least been washed and then be sure that you keep the eggs in cartons in the refrigerator and wash your hands after handling.

The second most prevalent salmonella causing agent is when people handling food don’t wash their hands after using the washroom.  Pretty gross.  This is the reason you WANT to see the sign in the bathroom that says “employees must wash their hands before returning to work.”  You would think that it would go without saying, but apparently some people need to be reminded.  The last thing you want is for Julio to pinch one off and then be grabbing your filet-o-fish without a couple sanitation steps in-between.  I have to admit that the last place I worked the amount of people who would just walk out of the bathroom without washing their hands was really surprising.  Keep in mind that they are definitely grabbing the handle to leave the bathroom and then might be going to the refrigerator, microwave or the coffee machine.  Even if it isn’t salmonella laden, it’s still nasty.  Poo finger.  Take the 20 seconds and do the world a small favor: wash up, Julio.

Another area I didn’t know about is that you can get salmonella from seafood if it is harvested in a contaminated area.  Say, for example, that a fish farm is located in an area that has runoff from a chicken farm.  Might be contaminated.  Make sure that your catfish, tilapia, salmon etc… that are from a fish farm are fully cooked.  It goes without saying, if you see catfish sashimi on a menu, move onto the next item.  You can thank me for that tip later.

To wrap things up, the last place that you should be careful is with your fresh produce.  It’s important that you wash your produce, not just to get off the pesticides, fertilizers and ripening agents but if they were watered with “gray” water, they might have other bacteria growing on them.  This is particularly relevant to imported varieties where the rules are not a stringent as they are in the States.  This is another really good reason to become a locavore: reduce pollution, get fresh seasonal produce and avoid salmonella.  That should be a bumper sticker or something.  Just make sure that you are taking the time to wash your produce.  It’s a small step that is important for a lot of reasons.

So, that’s the scoop on salmonella.  Probably more than you ever wanted to know.  Certainly more than I knew before yesterday.  The long and the short is to keep a weather eye out for unhygenic situations.  If the chef or cook looks like they haven’t washed their chef’s whites in a month, go somewhere else.  If there is a restaurant employee that leaves the restroom without washing their hands, talk to a manager.  It might save someone else from getting sick.  If you are at a hibachi in the Bahamas… well, I should just have known better.

These little bastards can really tear it up. Photo from Wikipedia.

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Wrath of the Hibachi

Let me start out by saying that food poisoning sucks.  There is just no other way to put it.  It’s exhausting.  It’s disgusting.  It’s dehydrating.  It’s taxing.  All-in-all, there’s just about nobody I can think of that I would wish came down with a spell of this wretchedness.  But, there are a couple and you know who you are (just kidding, or maybe not).  Actually, one person comes to mind immediately when I am writing about this excruciatingly painful sickness.  The bastard “chef” at Sandals Royal Bahamian Resort in Nassau working the hibachi grill.  I don’t know your name, but you truly are a world class asswipe and I hope that one day you eat your own food and have to go through what I am just finishing, you turd.  If you are planning on going to the Sandals Royal Bahamian, do yourself a favor and don’t go. 

See, I have some very strong opinions about the Sandals Royal Bahamian because they let an uneducated cook ruin my vacation, ruin a wonderful dinner we planned after the vacation and ruin my Father’s day.  All because this guy didn’t know what he was doing, but was sent out to do a job anyhow.  It may not be all his fault because I also blame the Sandals Royal Bahamian management for putting someone like that out in front of customers.  In the food service business, you have to know what you are doing if you are going to be serving food to people.  You would think that a resort like the Sandals Royal Bahamian would ensure that their people are trained properly, but that is absolutely not the case.  Apparently they skip over the food handling and safety training with their chefs in the Bahamas. Eh, who needs to make sure people will be healthy after eating the food.  Bah- sounds like rubbish to me too. 

Let’s take a step back and I will set the stage for you.  You see, the food at the Sandals Royal Bahamian is just slightly higer grade than what they might serve cattle in Texas.  Mainly cafeteria fare: fried, bland, canned and fried some more.  You would think that in the Bahamas you might encounter some type of fish or local specialty, but no, they serve fried cod, hot dogs and rice with canned peas.  The fruit looked like it came from a can, along with the heavy syrup.  Maybe if they open another can of peaches we can fight for the cherry.  The understanding is that you make reservations at the nice restaurants to move out of the cattle corrals into better food options.  That’s the understanding, but certainly not the reality.  Well, this was a lesson that we had to learn the hard way.  For those of you reading this contemplating if you will stay at the Sandals Royal Bahamian, just know this: with the exception of Baccarat, none of the other restaurants serve even close to decent food.  Also, if you don’t have the “butler” service, Gordon’s on the Pier is a total waste of money.  The view is incredible, but they have no idea how to cook anything. 

On the third day of our vacation I was up to my eyeballs in steamed vegetable medley and gristle burgers.  It was time to head to a “better” restaurant, so off to the hibachi called Kimono’s we go.  It looks good.  The restaurant is decorated nicely and shows a lot of promise.  We sit at a table with five other couples, almost all newlyweds and in their early twenties.  Some of these kids don’t look old enough to drive, but they are in the Bahamas with their fingers freshly wrapped in metal.  The apps are served and are great.  They were prepared in the kitchen and brought out to you, but at least they have some flavor- it is a huge leap forward for mankind in the Bahamas!  Who needs the moon when they discovered flavor!  Then our chef-cook-dingleberry comes out to start cooking for our table.  We have been listening to the other chefs laughing, telling jokes and clanging their spatulas like Steve Martin playing Ruprecht in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.  They are loving it and their tables are responding in kind.    Tiny, the 500lb chef at the table to the left of us, is awesome.  He lit his entire table on fire about seven times.  I could feel the heat ten feet away.  Our guy doesn’t even know what sauces are on his cart.  Uh oh.  Not mother?

So our guy tries to get going, but nobody can hear him because he is obviously new to this gig.  He tells us some story about how it is good luck to catch some bits of egg he throws from his spatula in our mouths.  I think it sounds more like an opportunity to get some hot egg in your eye.  Nobody wants that.  Anyhow, he cooks off some egg and starts the chicken on the griddle.  He’s slopping his spatula around in the raw chicken and then chops the egg up with the spatula.  The girl next to me asks, in her Southern twang, if that thingy was just in the chicken that he is using.  I said that it in fact the thingy was.  She refuses to eat the egg.  Good call.  That makes three of us at the table, including Caroline and myself.  All the other sea lions are happily getting egg thrown at their faces, clapping their flippers for more.  Has to feel good for the chef having willing patrons with their mouths open asking you to fling egg at them.  Incredible marketing ploy for the Sandals Royal Bahamian to get local, disgruntled residents to work for them.  Work for us and you can throw egg at the tourists!

He tries to clang his spatula, but it just falls flat.  He’s a dud.  No fun.  Nobody can hear him and worse than that, nobody wants to hear him.  He’s missing teeth and just a lot boring.  I hear another chef from the front of the restaurant singing with her table.  The whole table is singing.   I silently wish we were at that table.  Back to reality at our own hibachi mess, I realize this dude can’t cook worth a damn.   He has no idea what he is doing.  He finishes the rice after it burns a little, drowns the beef in some sauce with pineapple of all things and smothers the chicken in a thick teriaki sauce.   He doles it out.  I try it.  At least it has some flavor provided by the sauce.  Next up, the shrimp and fish.  He doles those out.  My shrimp are still blue, so I give them back.  I believe that was the kiss of misfortune.  Never give your food back to a Sandals Royal Bahamian chef-cook-dingleberry.  My scrutinous gaze of what he was doing was momentarily distracted by the food on my plate.  It didn’t occur to me until after I ate the shrimp that he used that nasty chicken spatula to finish cooking off my shrimp.  Caroline looked at her blue, uncooked shrimp and just pushed the plate away.  In hindsight, I wish that I had that much restraint. 

The chef-cook-dingleberry cleans the grill in front of us, making everyone at the table sweat from the steam.  I look around at the other tables and nobody else got that treatment.  He says something and is looking for a round of applause.  Nobody claps.  I felt like booing.  Dessert comes.  Gross.  We leave to catch the sunset.  While reclined in a super padded double chaise lounge about forty five minutes later, I feel some cramping start at the top of my abdomen.  Might be gas, but this feels potent.  I ask Caroline if she is feeling ok.  Yep, loving the sunset, wishing that dinner didn’t suck so badly.  The bands of pain grip my abdomen tighter and further down.  Feels like there is an alien rummaging around my insides now.  Maybe a Gremlin.  I hear loud, angry noises grumbling in my belly.  The hairs on my arms and legs stand up at attention.  The alarm bells start to sound like klaxons in my head… a little voice gets louder and louder “Run to safety!  Quick, back to the room! ”  I think that I better listen to myself.  ”Hun, I think that we will have to watch sunset another night.  I gotta go.” 

The next seven days are atrocious.  I’ll spare the details.  Just believe me, it was really bad.  The incredible part about the whole thing is that when Caroline went to talk to the manager, Johnathen, he seemed less than interested that someone had been poisoned at the resort by one of their staff.  He even went so far as to tell her that I should “perhaps not drink as much during the day.”  This statement launches a complete volley of questions:  What?  How did this turn into my mistake?  When was I drinking (I had read a book all day while floating in the pool)?  What manager actually has the balls to say something like that?  Is he kidding?  Where is the concern for the other guests?  Where is the concern for me?  What a jerk.  But, after reading many other reviews now on the Sandals Royal Bahamian, it should come as no surprise that the management at this resort are complete imbeciles.  Note to self: read reviews in the future before going.  Note to others thinking of going here: re-read the following “management at this resort are complete imbeciles.” 

When we were leaving the Sandals Royal Bahamian (I am writing the name as many times as possible so that people might actually find this posting and avoid wasting their money going there!) I was suffering from a huge bout of anxiety.  Who wouldn’t be?  I don’t like to fly to begin with, but lump right on top of that not feeling well and the dread of international airport restrooms not to mention airplane restrooms, it felt like being asked to walk the plank over shark infested waters.  The only solace I could take from traveling was that I was headed back to the States and as far away from the Sandals Royal Bahamian as I could muster.  Also, the thought that I might not get better was going through my head.  When floating in the pool I was telling a couple that we met that I was very sick.  He told me that he was in the hospital about two years earlier with food poisoning.  The thought of going to a Bahamian hospital struck fear deep through me, straight to the core.  If they can’t manage to do the simple things in the Bahamas, imagine what the health care must be like. 

All told, I am feeling better on the EIGHTH day after coming down with this.  I really do wish that we had a better vacation and that the hotel would have some form of quality control.  The vacation gods were just not smiling on me this time.  Maybe next time they will be.  Although feeling better, still not 100%, but am headed in the right direction.  Speaking of heading in directions… in the future I will head in just about any direction other than the Bahamas.  If you are thinking of going to the Sandals Royal Bahamian, expect this:  nasty food, mold in your bathroom, creaky beds, completely unhelpful and rude concierge service, no reservations available for the “good” restaurants (even though they are only 40% booked).  There are plenty of other places that you can go that are much nicer.  Take a minute and do some more research.  Avoid the Sandals Royal Bahamian.

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Back in the kitchen

Wow, it has been a long time since my last posting.  For my readership, I apologize for the break, but it was much needed.  Since the last post, a lot of food has been eaten and wine has been drank.  My family and I took a trip that included stops in North Carolina, Florida and Georgia.  At each location, we were with good friends enjoying the company, food and drink as well.  Seems like a theme in my life- most of my good memories are surrounded by good friends, good food and typically drinking.  Well, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it- right? 

So what’s up on the upcoming agenda?  I am not quite sure.  I wrote a bunch of reviews for Trip Advisor while we were in Florida.  Here are the links if you are interested- look for the reviews by Headly1976:

Fancy Sushi Review

Moon River Pizza

Ciao Bistro

Jack & Diane’s

Sonny’s Real Pit BBQ

Bright Mornings Cafe

Arte’s Pizza

Bonito Grill & Sushi

Espana Restaurant

I’ve got some more coming- not sure if I should post them on Trip Advisor or post them up on here.  Guess we will just have to wait and see what happens- right?  Till then, hope you are all doing well.

Here’s a good thought I picked up from a friend of mine:  The future isn’t stressful, it should always be exciting.  It’s a matter of perspective.

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Organic Produce

I have been doing a lot of reading recently on organic produce and exactly what that means to us as the human race, not just as Americans.  The introduction of petroleum based fertilizers in the sixties and seventies has allowed for a never before known bounty of food.  The same acre that produced 1000 ears of corn in the fifties can now produce double, all solely driven from petroleum based fertilizers.  Wow, that is a lot of food improvement in a very short time. 

There are several problems as it relates to standard food products.  The first issue is that when the production of food basically doubled, so did the insect population that feeds on that food.  It makes sense, right?  More vegetation which is the primary food source for insects has lead to an increase in their population.  The increase has happened faster than the increase in natural predators for these insects, so the American farmer needed to do something to control the issue.  Enter into the picture pesticides.  Every day the food that we eat is being sprayed over with pesticides that kill insects.  But has there been adequate research into how the pesticides affect the human body?   Some of us eat very large quantities of vegetables.  Even though they are scrubbed, do we know if the chemical has penetrated deeper?  By eating non-organic foods are we really adding toxicity to our systems? 

And what about the nutrient content of the same acre from 60 years ago to today.  The land that used to be able to rest and have the natural balance of nutrients re-enter the soil is now tilled consistently.  Instead of resting, nutrients are added to the fertilizer mix and the land must keep producing year after year.  I read an article today that indicated that broccoli from sixty years ago had twelve times the amount of nutrients in it than the broccoli that we eat today.  Twelve times.  Part of the depletion of nutrients comes from the field where the plant is fed.  The soil has been drastically reduced in quality which will naturally lead to produce lacking in essential nutrients.

The next area that we need to look at is the seeds themselves.  Over the years, our food has been hybridized, cloned and genetically changed.  I was speaking with a gentleman this past week who was explaining the hybridization of tomato plants.  To increase the yield of the plant, they will take a fast germinating and growing tomato plant with very little flavor to the fruit and cross it with a more flavorful variety which is slower to grow.  The result is a medium growing plant with medium flavored fruit.  Supposedly this is better than a slow to grow plant with delicious fruit.  And you all know what I am talking about when you bite into the grocery store tomato that lo0ks great but really has no flavor.  It’s disappointing, but we buy them because they are less expensive than the heirloom and organic varietals. 

So, our soil is being saturated with petroleum based fertilizers, our seeds are science projects designed to increase the yield of the plant without care for flavor and our plants are blasted with pesticides every day that have neurotoxins in them which we have no idea the affect on the human body.  I guess that I knew that this was happening for many years, but just chose to turn a blind eye toward it simply because it was too much hassle to deal with thinking about it.  The food that I was eating tasted ok and with enough salt and seasoning, anything can be made to taste pretty good.  I just wonder where along the way it became ok for people to start altering the chemical components of the food that we eat.  I get it if you are buying prepackaged food, take for example some yogurt that is fluorescent green and packaged in a plastic tube.  That is going to have an altered chemical schema from simple plain, live yogurt, but you knew that going into it.  When you buy celery, however, it is supposed to be green.  But how can you tell that it has been altered with all the things we have been talking about?  Where is the list of ingredients that have been sprayed on that food? 

In the drive toward the almighty dollar, I think that some people have just gotten things wrong.  It isn’t ok to have an abundance of food if that same food is poisoning the people who are eating it.  Maybe some moderation in this country would be a good thing.  It would be nice to see in the grocery store, not in a specialty store like Whole Foods, more organic produce than conventionally grown produce.  As consumers, we need to vote with our dollars on how we want things produced that we are going to eat.  The problem has been that the organic food is simply much more expensive and in hard times, it is hard to justify the additional costs.  I get it, believe me that I do. 

However, there are other costs associated with eating conventionally grown products.  Now, I am not a doctor, a scientist or anyone else who can really back up the statements that I am about to make.  Keep in mind though that I am just using some common sense in my approach on this one.  If the foods we eat are grown in a petroleum enriched environment, grown from genetically altered seeds and sprayed with neurotoxins as pesticides- there has to be a health consequence to eating this food.  Our society has more health problems today stemming from the last sixty years than it has ever in our history.  We have also been eating more altered foods in that same time frame.   I guarantee that the last bill you got from the physicians office more than makes up for the difference in price from conventionally grown foods vs. organically grown foods. 

So what can we do?  Buy some things that are organic.  Start turning the corner and pay a few more cents for organic black beans vs. conventional black beans.  Eventually your pantry will have a plethora of organic products sitting on your shelves, just waiting to be enjoyed.  Ask your local grocer for better, locally grown organic produce.   If your grocer doesn’t provide an organic option for your herbs, you should be talking to them about that.  There is almost no price difference in that area.  The more organic products that we buy, the less expensive they will become since more farmers will move toward producing that type of food.  It is the simple law of supply and demand.  We simply have to start demanding a cleaner, more healthy product for ourselves.

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The Revised Story (Month in Review)

About a month ago I published up a blog post relating my story and some little snippets on how I became interested in spreading the word about food.  Since then, I have written about a ton of different topics, but a lot has been focused on reviews of restaurants, various food products or appliances and juice recipes.  What gives?   Where’s the chub in the chubby chef’s arsenal of recipes?  I have them, believe me, but it takes time to get these online. 

My thought on putting recipes online is probably different than many of the sites you have gone to.  Putting a recipe online without some type of story attached to it reduces the experience to a routine.  Cooking and food are comprised of more than just lists of ingredients and the method on how to combine them to make something.  It is about the experience that goes into making that recipe.  What happened to have this idea pop into the cook’s mind?  If the dish was successful, how might they have changed it to make it more successful?  Is there something that this dish would go particularly well with?  Why did they do a particular step the way they did versus a more commonly accepted method?  The list of questions can go on for just about ever.  My point is that I am trying to get some of that experience incorporated into the post with the recipe.  It may not mean much, but I think that it means something and someone will find some value in it. 

That being said, it is taking me some time to get these recipes online.  I am also suffering through a technical maelstrom in getting pictures into my posts.  I have a camera now, it is full of pictures, but for some reason I just haven’t found the time or the will to connect the camera into my computer.   Maybe it is lazy, maybe it is my own secret desire to use a thousand words to describe the experience rather than just one picture.  I am not sure which is better- your imagination over what the dish could end up looking like or my photo showing you the dish in poor lighting and incorrect exposure.  Until I figure out how to photograph food appropriately, I think that the photo is a disservice to anyone who takes the time to check in on this blog from time to time.  If you have any thoughts on the subject, be sure to weigh in with a comment.

Which brings me back to the point of why I am doing all the reviews.  Here’s the deal.  I am opinionated and like to share my opinion with just about anybody who will listen.  I think that is completely fair to say.  One thing that I will let you know is that I am not getting paid by anyone to express any opinions that are not my own.  I call em like I see em.  Take, for example, the posts on L’Albatros and B-Spot.  I like L’Albatros but my experience there was not good.  I will still go back there and hope that next time the service is better.  Maybe Zack Bruell will see the post and work on some of the issues.  He hit me up with a Tweet, so I know he is looking.  On the other hand, B-Spot has been steady and good since I have been there.  No reason for me to say otherwise.  All too often these days, the bad word gets spread more than the good.  When I run into situations that have been really good, I think people need to be able to know about that as well.  No Tweets from Michael Symon, but that may change sometime- who knows.

Here’s what I know… I love food and cooking.  If I run into stuff that is worthy of a mention, I will mention it.  If it is something that is completely crap, I’ll write about that too.  All too often these days people get away with producing a sub-par product simply because some dumb-ass out there will buy it or it can be made cheaply in China and sold through Walmart.  The same goes for food.   For example, the fact that you can put cheese-whiz on fries doesn’t mean that you should or that it is good.  Right?  All-in-all, I hope that you keep reading and coming back for more.  I’m doing this not because I have to, but because I really enjoy doing it.  If you think what I am doing is total shit, call me out on it.  If you like it, make sure that you leave that feedback too. 

Coming up soon: Downtown 140 Restaurant Review, Easy Redskin & Onion side dish, Avocado & Bacon Apps.  Probably some more juice recipes as well. 

They’re all just that good.

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The Story

The Chubby Cook.  What’s it all about?  Here’s the story- I’m a thirty three year old executive who spends most of his waking life working in an office.  Nothing special about that, I know, many people do it.   I’ve been working in my chosen profession for about twelve years and am very lucky that I really enjoy the work.  It is invigorating and offers a ton of variety.  I started at this company working on a sales desk and have worked up to be the president of the organization.  My crew in the office is excellent, full of hardworking people with a ton of talent. 

I’m married to an incredible person who is beautiful, intelligent and loving.  She has made my life possible by always encouraging me to chase down my dreams. To cut to the chase, this woman keeps me happy and sane, which is a full time job within itself.   We met a little over a decade ago, but it feels like such a short time.  My wife is working to become a Master of Wine, so I am lucky to be along for the journey.  We have tried some incredible wines and I have learned more in this area than I ever thought I would.  She has a very sophisticated palate and acts as my primary critic for my recipes.  Typically, she is spot on.  

A little over eight months ago, we had our first child.  A boy.  Fantastic.  I am thrilled to have him in my life.  It is amazing to watch his development.  He’s a strawberry blonde with a firey redhead’s attitude.  Every morning and night when I am home, he sits in his chair on the counter watching what I am doing in the kitchen.  He takes the utensils out of the crock and waves them around like the swedish chef- it’s absolutely hilarious. 

A long story short, I’m torn in my life between several passions- family, business and cooking.  Well, where’s the cooking story?  I’ll spare the childhood memories and skip right to about a decade ago when I met my wife.  I found myself getting stressed out regularly and didn’t have a healthy outlet to alleviate the stress.  So, I started to learn about cooking.   I always had a great sense of timing, but not much else.  The first two years, I just experimented with about everything- tried new ingredients and spices.  During this time I subscribed to almost every food magazine imaginable and the Food Network became my channel of choice.  Next up was reading every book about cooking I could get my hands on with no real focus on anything.  I picked up a particularly interesting book from Le Cordon Bleu that got me thinking that it was time to refine my skills.

So, I signed up at a local chefs program to start down the path.  I don’t want to work in a restaurant, I just want to increase my skill sets and satisfy my desire to conquer new and challanging things.  I was in night class, but some unforseen events caused an early departure from the school.  I can say that the time that I spent there was truly a delight.  Someday I hope to pick it back up again, but I don’t think I can fit the time commitment into my schedule with long hours at the office and trying to spend as much time with my family as I can. 

Which leads me to where we are at now.  I have early mornings and evenings to spread the word about one of my passions.  My hope is that you will find value in reading my blog, checking out my recipes or recommendations and giving me some good constructive criticism.  So let’s get started-

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